| twentyfirst tenfortyfive a.m. |
[13 Aug 2007|12:09am] |
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music |
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Kleerup ft. Robyn - With Every Heartbeat |
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Subject title is what I found myself repeating ad nauseam today to relatives who don't know me very well so all they had to ask was, "So when you flying?". After my answer they give a sagely nod and say "Take care" whilst pressing folded notes into my hand. It all got quite annoying during the six hours I sat through the kenduri but now in middle of night with only my thoughts and emo electro music for company I think I might miss the whole motley crue la. Sorta. I won't miss them individually but I'm comfortable when their noise is pressing in on me from all sides. The ones I will miss the most are the little ones like Dinnur and Aini. Dinnur's only 2, by the time I come back next summer she might not recognize me anymore and will shy away from me the way she does from strangers. Just now I randomly flopped down onto the big cushion on my floor and she said v adorably, "Shirin sleep? Dinnur give you blankie." And then she put tissue paper blankie over my face. So cute la :[
Oh my younger sis was ready to kill me by the end of the night again cos people kept giving me money and attention. Then during the prayer-reading session thingy when asking for blessings and stuff my grandma said my sister's name wrong confusing her middle name with mine which made Naz so upset she spent like 45 mins crying out back. So drama. But I hope her life is happier while I'm gone lah, then maybe when I get back we can be all sisterly, like.
Anyway I just really need to get going instead of being trapped in this limbo of packing and anticipation and last minute attempts to spend time with friends who're all being stolen away by the commencement of school term at mosta the local u's. All this non-activity's fraying my nerves because all I can do is swing erratically between excitement and fear. Afian psyched me up with tales of exciting orientation and parties, but then Christine's blog post made me sad because yes we will all have to look at fresh faces and force ourselves to write possibility into them instead of what I did in RJ which was basically.. ignore most faces except those of my pre-determined friends'.
There are chapters I wish I could have closure to properly before I go, but as of now doesn't seem likely. I feel like doing a Jerrine and putting pen to paper for a select few. But no time and.. no strength.
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